if you like me you must not know who I am
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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