Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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