So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
