Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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