You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
