dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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