So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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