I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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