got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
