i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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