dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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