Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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