I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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