Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
