i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
