I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
