Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
