Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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