i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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