the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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