New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
