Me. At least after what I've been through.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
