what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
my liver is dry heaving
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
