she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
