I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
