"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
