I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
