Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
