I cockslap morals
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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