I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I wish i was in the wii world.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
