Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
