Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
