If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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