so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
