so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
