I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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