He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
