Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I checked into jail on foursquare
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
