i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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