I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
