Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
