i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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