She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
BRING THE BAGELS
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
