Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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