Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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