Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
