so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
