you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize