I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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