I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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