Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
