Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
