i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
