Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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