I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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