she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
