After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
