He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
