I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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