it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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