guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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