Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
