it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
