you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
