does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
