Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
